Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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