I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
