If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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