It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
