Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
