so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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