I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
