1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
