Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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