All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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