your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
