I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
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capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
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You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm bleeding and have questions
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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