I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
