its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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