I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
