There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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