using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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