if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if only i could text you this smell
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
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Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
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you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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