i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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