I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
