I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
