Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
