I think im going to throw up on grandma
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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