i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
