I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"