she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
