i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
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I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize