We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
