So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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