he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize