im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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