We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
