It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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