it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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