**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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