the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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