I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
