how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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