She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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