if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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