Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
