Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
