I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
