he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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