I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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