Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
