he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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