I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize