is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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