My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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