I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
