I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
