and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
