My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
