I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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