Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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