I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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