sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
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So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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