I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize