they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
